Episode 7 – Full Transcript
Today we want to talk about human connection and its importance on health
Michelle: Hey, everyone, my name is Michelle.
Lindsay: And I’m Lindsay. And you’re listening to nurse verse. Hey, guys. In today’s episode, we’re going to be talking about connection and. No, I’m not talking about the Wifi connection.
Michelle: Today we want to talk about human connection and it’s importance on our health and well being. We are not solitary creatures. There are solitary creatures on this planet, but we are not one of them, fortunately or unfortunately.
Lindsay: Yeah, I mean, the only person that I could think of is probably nonna.
Michelle: That, is an actual solitary creature that she would. She’d be okay.
Lindsay: She’d be okay. But I mean, she also, if she was stuck on a deserted island, she’d be fine because she has. She would probably have food.
Michelle: She would know how to cook.
Lindsay: Yeah. So she has connections with food and, plants and stuff like that.
Michelle: So that’s enough for her most of the time.
Lindsay: Exactly. So there’s more. More connections to be had than with. Than just with, like another human.
Michelle: Correct.
Lindsay: Correct is what we’re trying to say.
Michelle: But all joking aside, our connection with one another, as human beings, with other humans and with nature, and animals, etcetera, is essential not only for our survival, but also for our love and support, which has a major impact on our health and well being.
Lindsay: Yes.
Michelle: And so that’s kind of what we want to focus on today, especially because in our society nowadays, we have become so superficially, like more superficially connected than ever with the use of technology and social media, which can be great in certain scenarios, but also can be detrimental in other scenarios.
Lindsay: Yeah. Like during COVID it was great because we could facetime even though we had to stay 6ft away or, yeah.
Michelle: We weren’t in like actual solitary confinement. Yeah, we had some. Some interaction.
Lindsay: Yeah, yeah.
Michelle: And like, if you live a distance from your family or your friends, and the fact that you can pick up your phone and see them on a video is really cool and still have some connection, but that is not to replace the physical presence, being in the physical presence of your loved ones. And, that can’t be matched with technology when you’re actually with another human being. Just the energy that you’re feeling from one another, the body language, the physical touch, touch, that can’t be replicated through technology. And I think that is undervalued in some sense because we feel like, oh, no, like I’m calling my mom every day or I’m, talking to so and so on the phone or on video. And so we feel like, oh, we’re still making these connections, which is great, but being physically present with one another is a whole other story.
Lindsay: Yeah. I think what you’re saying is it’s like a deeper connection, like the energy that you feel when you’re with them and you could feel their energy, and it’s just like a more positive experience.
Michelle: Yes. Yeah. A greater emotional response, chemical, response, whatever it might be. I think a lot of our positive connections come from friends and family or people that we might spend a lot of time with. Just because you get a lot of interactions with those individuals, you learn to trust them. Over time, you start to observe their behavior, and, a lot of times, you don’t feel like you really know somebody until you observe them in all of these different scenarios over a longer period of time. And I feel like it’s so natural for us to wait, for us to let our guard down until we feel like we truly know somebody. Like, I’ve known this person for years and years, so now I feel like it’s safe for me to be vulnerable around that person or to talk to them about something really deep or meaningful or emotional, which I think that’s how we end up creating these really deep connections with friends and family. but that being said, if we are willing to let our guard down a little bit sooner and trust people a little bit sooner than I think will experience greater connections with people that could have been strangers that you just meet on the street. And I think how we feel a connection with somebody is going to differ greatly from person to person. Just like knowing your own love language, is very different from person to person. Same thing with what makes you connected? Feel connected.
Lindsay: Absolutely. I feel the most connected to somebody. When we have a shared experience or we have a person in common, that’s a really good ground to stand on, to flourish. A connection. Yeah. Like a love of cats. I feel so connected to other people. also, if they’re a twin, I feel so much more connected because I am a twin. For all of the listeners, viewers that do not know, I feel so at home when I meet other twins. Yeah, yeah.
Michelle: Remember the twins at the airport?
Lindsay: Yeah, I was just gonna say. Yeah, just gonna say that.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: But, yeah, we met twins at the airport, and I was so excited to talk to them, and they were so equally as excited to talk to me. You could tell.
Michelle: I think they were so excited because of your excitement. They were like, holy shit. Like, oh, my gosh. It’s like. It’s like she was meeting aliens in the airport or something.
Lindsay: Okay. To paint the picture, there were two teenage tall boys. Yeah. maybe they were late twenties or, like, late teens. Early twenties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was their dad around? I don’t know, but they were so cute. So, so 20. It was identical. So identical.
Michelle: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was nuts.
Lindsay: And it was just really cool to. To connect with them, talk with them, and they. They were super chill, so it was really. It was awesome. A good connected twin moment.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsey says holding space for people is underrated or undervalued
so, definitely for you, a big thing is what you share in common.
Lindsay: Yeah, absolutely.
Michelle: And I feel like that’s why sports teams, too, are, create such incredible communities and connections, because it’s. You have something in common. You both like the same thing a lot, and that is just a simple, simple way to connect with people. And why so many people like to be rooting for a team or something. We want to, feel like part of a community. And for me, a huge part of connection that I make with people are when somebody physically shows up or does what they say they’re going to do, that really means a lot to me. especially nowadays. It’s just like, it’s so easy to say a lot of things, but then somebody’s actions always speak louder than their words. And so, not that I hold anything against anybody who maybe doesn’t follow through on what they say, but when somebody does do that, when, like, somebody shows up, that means a lot to me.
Lindsay: Especially when you least expect it.
Michelle: Yes, yes.
Lindsay: That’s when you’re, like, you get the gravity. You’re like, oh, yeah, wow. Okay.
Michelle: And I love the episode in modern Family, when Manny wants to go profess his love to that girl that’s, like, four years older than him or something, and the dad’s like, oh, my gosh. Don’t be crazy. Don’t be silly. But the moment says. She tries to say it. She says it in Spanish. The. But the term in English is be the wind on somebody’s back, not the spit in their face. And I loved that quote. I love that scene in modern Family so much because it’s. There’s so much to be said about that. Like, when you feel like you have somebody is the wind in your back, somebody supporting you, and they’re, like, cheering you on, regardless of what they think the outcome is going to be, that means a lot, because whether you, whatever it is you’re trying to get to, whether you accomplish it or not, it’s the fact that they believed in you, that they had your back, so to speak.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michelle: Not that that it has to be like that all the time. But, yeah.
Lindsay: Another way is to build connection. A positive connection is by being vulnerable.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: I mean, us doing this podcast is being vulnerable.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: And we’ve gotten some really great feedback, so.
Michelle: And connections with people.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michelle: Like, new connections. It’s cool. It’s cool. It is really awesome how people respond. And I’ve had, like, some people reach out that are like, oh, it’s like, it’s so cool that you’re doing that. And they, like, acknowledge that you’re putting yourself out there and you’re making yourself confident, uncomfortable, and they see you. They see you doing that, and they admire that, or they, let you know that they appreciate it.
Lindsay: They’re connecting with you.
Michelle: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seriously. And also, I think, just holding space for people is such an underrated or undervalued thing that, I didn’t really realize how important it was until I really, until I met you. Aw. Lindsay’s very good at holding space for people.
Lindsay: I’m really good at listening.
Michelle: You’re exceptional listener.
Lindsay: Yeah. I used throwback to anybody who knew me before, like, the last five years or whatnot, or even last five minutes. I used to, give advice on YouTube, like, a long time ago during my tumblr days, and I connected with people through that. But obviously, I’m not a psychologist or anything like that. People just would reach out to me. They felt some sort of way, a connection, and I would connect with all these anons and give advice. So I feel like I’ve been holding space for a lot of people throughout my whole life.
Michelle: Yeah, you’re very good at it. Cause I come from a family of doers. Like, cue the home Depot song in the background. Like, my family is very, proactive. We’re problem solvers. Like, what is the issue here? Are the possible solutions. What are you gonna do next? And so that’s always the mindset that I’ve been in until I met Lindsey, where I realized that you don’t always need a solution. And sometimes you don’t always want a solution. Sometimes you just need somebody else to hold that space for you. And I think when somebody does it for you where they are not trying to solve your problem, they just listen to you. You realize how much more you needed that than you actually needed the solution. You know, it’s like you just needed somebody to be there for you more than anything. Just, for example, when we were in our preceptorship for nursing, I went through what was not to make this a sad conversation. but I witnessed my first death or baby dying in front of me, and it was such a traumatizing experience. And I, you know, normally, something difficult like that, I would call my mom and, you know, ugly cry to my mom, but I didn’t want to traumatize my mom with this story. I know, like, she wouldn’t sleep at night. She’d be tossing and turning to. So I called Lindsey, and, we were friends, and that was the first time that I ever experienced somebody holding space for me. Lindsay truly just listened. She let me ugly cry to her on the phone and tell her all of the horrific details. And, she never once tried to fix anything. She never once tried to change my emotions. She never once tried to make me feel different. She just let me feel. And I think after that conversation, I realized how much that positively impacted me and how much that made me feel connected to her, made me feel that level of trust, admiration and gratitude that she kind of. That she just let me be, you know, like, for the first time in my life, somebody wasn’t trying to, like, make me fix something or not trying to make me not cry, you know? Like, I think there’s so much to be said in that. I’m not good at that at all. I learn from Lindsay every day, but.
Lindsay: And that’s what ultimately led to our marriage.
Michelle: Yeah. And that’s why we’re married. Boom.
RBF: Having a support system in healthcare can be incredibly beneficial
Lindsay: End of story.
Michelle: That’s it. But anyways. And I think to continue into how these positive connections impact our health and.
Lindsay: Well being, it’s really feeling like you have a support system.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: Like, yeah, I have such. I feel blessed. I have such a tight knit, close m group of co workers that I work with that I could call my really good friends. And we have been working together. I’ve been there for, like, almost two years now, and we have trauma bonded. Yeah. We have endured some crazy, crazy experiences as one does as a nurse. And we have gotten so close. Like, we. There’s, like, a few of us, we have each split off into, like, work wives, like relationships, but we all together, like, work so great as a team. And without them, I would not be there. And I know for a fact that each one of them would say the same thing, if not something very similar.
Michelle: oh, 100%. Like. Like, I’m so grateful for those group of girls because I feel like you can endure a lot of the, uncomfortable or unfun moments in work, the parts of work that you don’t like. You can endure those because you have such a great group of girls with you. You have a great support system, so that makes you feel like you can.
Lindsay: Go through the mud together.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: And we get out scotch free.
Michelle: Yeah. Yeah. It’s okay.
Lindsay: It’s okay. We survive because we have each other.
Michelle: Yes. Yes. And you guys are so good at, like, making the day fun. And, you guys have similar sense of humor, and you could make the situation more light hearted together and.
Lindsay: Yeah. Just the feeling of being together and connected in a similar. We’re all having a similar experience because we work at the same place, but just having each other to go through it and vent to each other and have that support system, like, means the world.
Michelle: Yeah. Yeah. And trauma, bonding, I feel like, is such a huge thing in healthcare because, especially for nurses or healthcare professionals, because, like, you are going through traumas throughout your work day. And, when you get through something difficult like that with somebody else, it immediately bonds you. And also, when somebody is there to support you or help you during those difficult moments, it immediately bonds you. Even if it’s, sports teams, like, our. When I played rugby, our team was so bonded together because we were literally putting our bodies on the line for each other every single day. And it’s such a subconscious thing that you don’t even realize. It’s like, oh, my gosh, this person literally just threw her body at another human being to protect me or to get me the ball or whatever it might be, so that we could succeed together. And that is such a subconscious, bond that you realize, like, you guys are working together, you’re on each other’s team, physically, emotionally, spiritually, whatever it might be. so that’s. That vein runs through so many different relationships and connections and is so potent, so powerful. And so, yeah, that can happen with your coworkers, friends, family, teammates.
Lindsay: When I first became a nurse, I moved out from California to Virginia, and I did not have any friends. I had none friends. Okay. So I had to go to this interview for a scholarship program, and I walked in by myself thinking, if you don’t get this scholarship, like, at least find a roommate and get. Get that figured out. So I ended up not getting the scholarship, but got the money instead. Thank you very much. Like, blessed. Thank you. and happened to find a roommate who turned into be, who turned out to be, like, my best friend. And I. I had that intention in mind when I went to that interview and didn’t know anybody, but I just found the one person with the hardest RBF and was, like, her she is going to be my roommate and best friend, and she did not expect it. And she still, to this day, is like, why did you choose me? Thank you for choosing me, but why did you choose me? I have no idea. You just, like, have. Have that feeling, that connection with somebody else and just. You gotta pounce on it, I guess.
Michelle: Yeah.
So the importance of having a community or creating your own community is paramount
So the importance of having a community or creating your own community, no matter where you’re going, like, you moved from the west coast to the east coast. You knew you had, nobody, but you needed to start building your next community. Your people create your. Your family. Your chosen family.
Lindsay: Yes.
Michelle: Yeah. You did that successfully.
Lindsay: And you were there. You knew that our apartment was, like, the place to be. We had such. We had so much fun.
Michelle: You guys created a community.
Lindsay: We really did.
Michelle: In the middle of nowhere, Virginia. You guys created a very, good community during nursing school, where there was also a lot of trauma bonding.
Lindsay: Yeah, there was a lot. That’s probably gonna be another episode.
Michelle: Yeah, we’ll save that.
Lindsay: Yeah. Later down the line. I gotta ask their permission first.
We have two stories on the importance of community when moving to Florida
Michelle: But also, I feel like we have a couple of stories on the importance of community, just like our own neighborhood community. Well, one I want to tell the story about, when we first moved down to Florida, and we were in an apartment complex, and, of course, like, months later, we moved down here and Covid hits. And so here we are, kind of isolated from our families a little bit. We did have some family here. and, you know, it’s like, nobody’s allowed to interact, but we made so many great friends in that apartment complex. And, like, I will never forget this. We were. We were on our little balcony having dinner and playing some music. And our friends, they’re, like, kind of at a diagonal from us. They were on their balcony, and they were yelling and saying, what song are you playing? So we ended up, like, texting each other, calling each other, and we played the same song at the same time and had a dance party on our.
Lindsay: Balconies, which was parking lot facing.
Michelle: Yeah. And I feel like more people came.
Lindsay: Out to the balcony, and we all just had a dance party on, like, a Tuesday. Seriously.
Michelle: And, like, that was so much fun. Like. Like something out of some kind of more unfortunate situation brought out something really wonderful and brought out greater connection, from one another. And, man, I wish I had that on video. That was so.
Lindsay: It’s always forever in here. In the. In the dome.
Michelle: In the dome.
Lindsay: The dome reels.
Michelle: That was so great.
Lindsay: But also, even our community now.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: Like, we’re just out walking the dog. There’s so much to be said about walking the dog.
Michelle: Yeah, seriously. So many things happen.
Lindsay: So many things happen.
Michelle: Walk your dog.
Lindsay: So many connections. Because either people with other dogs or people admiring the weather or just. Yeah. Like, the other day, we’re walking monster.
Michelle: And all of a sudden, we saw a little baby blue jay, and he was kind of jumping around. You could tell he couldn’t fly. And we were both like, oh, no. Like, what do we do with this baby bird? Like, is he gonna be okay? He’s gonna get eaten. Like, what’s gonna happen? And one of our neighbors, a younger girl, she was walking by us, and she said, oh, you know, the baby bird fell out of the nest, and the mother is watching over. Like, the mother isn’t gonna do anything about it, but is gonna watch and see what the baby bird does. And, like, lo and behold, we look up, and there’s the freaking mother in the tree watching this baby bird. and she educated us. She, like, gave us a lesson.
Lindsay: Yeah. She’s like, this is what happens with what? Blue jays and cardinals and it’s just what nature does.
Michelle: Yeah. Baby jumps out of this mom’s like, see ya.
Lindsay: Exactly. Good luck. And then it was, like, a couple weeks after that, we were walking the dog, and there was, like, a crazy storm that was about to hit. And this man was walking and admiring the weather. Admiring the weather. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. And then he told us about, like, what to look out for. He’d been there and been living in Florida for a while. And it’s when the wind picks up and it drops, like, ten degrees is when you should really watch out. Like, you don’t know what the weather’s gonna do.
Michelle: And, like, big conversation that happens.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michelle: And he was like, girls, go home right now.
Lindsay: Yeah. So we basically sprinted. We left monster behind. Just kidding. She came with us. We all survived. But then, like, yesterday, we’re walking. He, was like, oh, my gosh, girls, I was so worried. Did you guys make it home in time? And we’re like, yes. Just within, like, a few seconds. We got, like, a few drops, but we were fine.
Michelle: We were so impressed that he. He literally nailed it. Like, he knew down to the minute, like, when it was gonna hit the fan with the weather.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michelle: but then he. He went back to his house, and we realized he went into the same house of, the girl that taught us about the birds.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michelle: And so we mentioned to him, we were like, wait, do you live here? And we were like, oh, my gosh I think we met. It was your daughter. And he was like, yeah, that’s my daughter. And then he told us this incredible story about parenting. Yeah.
Making connections with people that you inhabit the same environment with is so important
Lindsay: And also about life.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: he was telling us one day when she was, like, three years old, she asked to go on a walk. And he was like, yeah, we can go on a walk. She’s like, I want to find a rhino. And instead of him laughing at her.
Michelle: Which, like, Lindsay and I instantly.
Lindsay: We did, we instantly started dying, laughing, like a rhino. What? He’s like, instead of laughing at her.
Michelle: He was like, yeah, yeah, let’s go.
Lindsay: It’s like, let’s go. And then. Oh, sorry. No, you could go.
Michelle: He was like, yeah, let’s go. And even if we don’t find the rhino, she’s gonna learn that, oh, there isn’t rhinos in Florida.
Lindsay: Yeah, she’s gonna learn on her own, but she’s also gonna be. Become aware of what is in Florida.
Michelle: Yes.
Lindsay: And that’s what further led to her knowing what happens with the, blue jays and cardinals.
Michelle: It, like, fostered her love of nature and her love of the environment and her learning instead of.
Lindsay: And having a stronger sense of self, other than, feeling dumb if he had laughed or been like, what are you, dumb? There’s no rhinos in Florida. He just let her be.
Michelle: Yeah.
Lindsay: Just having them be so open, both of them, like. Like bringing us into their life.
Michelle: Yeah. That connection that we were able to make by him sharing that personal story, and. And first making the connection with his daughter and then meeting him and feeling like such a sense of community, like, getting to know one another of the people that you, that you inhabit the same environment with, is so important. It makes you feel. It’s what creates that sense of community.
Lindsay: Yeah. And those little interactions, because we could just be walking side by side, just sharing glances.
Michelle: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michelle: You could be like, oh. Just like, hey. Hi. Whatever. Which is. There’s nothing wrong with. Nothing wrong. But. But when you do make those connections, you start to just feel so, like, part of it. Yes. Yeah.
Lindsay: Part of what? It.
Michelle: Yeah. It’s like, it is like your own little family and your community. And I feel like we’ve made that connection with so many neighbors. Like, we have so many great people in this neighborhood, and. And we love living here so much because we feel that sense of community and safety and security, and we feel like we’re surrounded by good people and people that we know and genuine people. and just one more story about our neighborhood. I really want to tell the story about how, one night, one of our neighbors was watching her mom’s dog, and her mom was unfortunately in the hospital, and so that’s why she was watching the dog. And the dog is very attached to the mother and was freaked out because the dog was now in a new home or new environment and was like, where’s my mom? Etcetera. So the dog had gotten out and ran away, but was still within the community. And our entire neighborhood went on a hunt for this dog, I kid you not, like. Yeah, everybody was out with. This was in the middle of the night. Everybody was out with flashlights. People were driving around slowly with their cars, looking to see where the dog was. Everybody was trying to lure the dog off.
Lindsay: Some were on bikes, skateboards, like kids, all forms like wheels. People were out.
Michelle: They were searching. It was incredible. And it was a little dog. And the dog was so, so fast.
Lindsay: So fast.
Michelle: And this went on well into the night hours. And I think they ended up calling off the search, like, I don’t know, sometime in the middle of the night. And then the next morning, we all, like, it seems like we all got up and went right back to it. and with the help of the whole community, we did the, we did end up catching the dog. The daughter, the daughter caught the dog. And she was so grateful to everybody in the community. She was like, it was just so cool to see everybody going out of their way, like, staying up late hours. People were, like, sweating, running and chasing this dog.
Lindsay: Like, there was somebody in a bathrobe.
Michelle: Like, somebody was in, like, a movie.
Lindsay: And they’re like, boxer shorts, like, yeah, people showed up.
Michelle: people showed up. yes. And you. We just, like, I remember going home feeling like, man, we live in a really awesome community.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Michelle: Kisses. Just great group of people here to continue contributing to a sense of community, paying it forward goes a long way with creating that sense of connection and community.
The joy you feel when you genuinely help someone without expectation is unmatched
I think maybe this doesn’t go for everybody, but I feel super strongly about this. I think that the. The joy you feel when you genuinely help someone without having any expectation in return is so unmatched. Like, it’s such an amazing feeling, doing.
Lindsay: A good deed without expecting to be recognized for it, is what you’re saying.
Michelle: Yeah, it’s like my mother always says, it’s like, you did a good deed. We get so much out of our relationships with our family and our friends and people who have been in our life for so long, but you can also equally have such incredible experiences and interactions and connections with complete strangers. And I think the more you do that, too, the more you start to feel like, well, you know, everybody really isn’t that bad. Yeah, this world’s not that terrible of.
Lindsay: A place, and there’s a lot of cats and dogs in it. If all else fails to.
Michelle: Yeah, exactly. If all else fails, dogs and cats are better than people. No, just kidding.
Lindsay: But you know what I mean. There are things to connect to. Yeah, if dogs, cats, people aren’t your thing.
Michelle: Yep.
Lindsay: On, that note, thanks for listening.
Michelle: Hope to see you guys on the next one.
Lindsay: Okay, bye. Say thanks.
Michelle: Bye. Dip it.